Gore Was First Human Being

Memphis (NBp) - Vice President Al Gore, busy trying to build momentum for his presidential campaign, announced today that he was the first human being.

Speaking to a group of anthropologists, Gore said, "Even before starting my life in the public service, I have worked hard to help the cause of anthropology. For example, I was the first member of the species called homo sapien. I am pleased to have helped this species get started and to make it the dominant species on Earth."

Vice President Gore is pictured here with an image of homo erectus, which is what people looked like before he came along.

This announcement should come as no surprise to Gore followers, because Gore has led a remarkable life in the public service.

• Gore, Father of Capitalism, stated, "While in Congress, I was talking with some farmers. I had told them that rather than bartering with their food, or just saving it for themselves, they could actually sell it for actual dollars and be able to buy goods and services with that money. This is how I came to be known as the Father of Capitalism."
• He invented the wheel in 1202, hundreds of years before his birth.
• He tracked down the toxic waste at Love Canal and singlehandedly cleaned it up.
• He sang backup on "Video Killed the Radio Star", the first video on MTV.
• He invented the Internet
• He was considered for the role of C-3PO in Star Wars, because no makeup was needed for him to look like a robot.
• He inspired the movie Love Story
• He was the unmentioned fourth astronaut on Apollo 11, the first moon landing.

With this string of accomplishments behind him, Gore expects an easy victory in the race for the White House. The possible things he may accomplish once there are mind boggling. For example, rumor has it that Gore believes that there are possible medical applications for bread mold. Only time will tell what the future may bring from this industrious leader.