Why Bother?

The “process” by which a man attempts to find a lover is largely built on rejection and humiliation. Any reasonable investigation of the mating ritual for western culture will reach this conclusion. The man’s role basically is to prostrate himself before a long succession of women, beg for some kind of personal and physical interaction while making a complete fool of himself and dashing any semblance of self respect against the nearest speeding semi. Although the appearance of being totally pathetic in this endeavor is evident to even the most casual observer, he may take a certain amount of solace in the fact that this only really applies to those observers who are still breathing.

Clearly there must be some significant results to these efforts in order to justify these patterns of self-abuse. Let’s look at some likely benefits of his efforts. We’ll start with the most likely and work our way down.

1. When a man makes an attempt to establish that he is interested in investigating the possibility that some particular woman might be interested in establishing any close relationship, or even a going out on a date, the most likely result is “The Total Rejection And Humiliation Effect”. This stems from the obvious and well-known fact that any man interested in anything even remotely sexual is a sick, disgusting pervert, in need of professional help, and generally beneath contempt. These facts will be articulated to him—perhaps loudly and in public. Many future discussions between the object of his desire and her girlfriends will center on the topic of just how disgusting he is. These are likely to include the phrase “as if I would even consider” and other quips calculated to elevate the speaker above the level of the scum who was thinking such unthinkable thoughts. Very shortly, most of one’s coworkers, neighbors, and associates will know just how low he really is. The male so rejected can expect stern looks of disapproval from women – even women he has never met.
2. The next most likely result is “Simple Rejection”. This differs from the above in the face-to face aspects. This particular rejection is done in a polite, amused fashion. The adjectives will still fly in girl talk. The looks of disapproval will still follow (it’s nice that some things are reliable), but accompanied now with a certain condescending amusement. More importantly, by opting for a more civil interchange, the female sets the groundwork for future relationship with the man. This will consist of the man supplying attention and ego reinforcement in response to even the slightest social interaction with the woman, followed by some statement on the order of “You’re nice”, another rejection, and more girl-talk.
3. Next most likely is what I call the “Date-Acceptance-As-Entertainment/Financial-Value” result. In this scenario, a series of semi enjoyable social experiences will generate an overall sense of optimism in the man. Also, his wallet will be drained. His role here will be to entertain, wine and dine, and provide personal reassurances and ego reinforcement to the woman. Once the man makes clear his hope for some romantic component (this can be after any number of dates from 1 to 100), or once the woman’s need to feel desirable has been sated, either option 1 or 2, above, can be played out. In addition, if several dates have transpired, the dreaded “I thought we were friends” option can now be played out in full tears, complete with heartfelt, articulate recriminations about the man’s complete lack of sensitivity. This will have the effect of shredding any remaining vestiges of self-esteem that might have been inadvertently left intact up to this point into something resembling the detritus from a mulching mower. Again, the girl talk will grant the man a reputation amongst virtually every person he knows even vaguely. Like I said, it nice that some things are reliable.
4. The next result is a special entry for special men. These are men who routinely establish meaningful non-romantic relationships with women -- friendships. The problem for these guys is that not only are they nice guys, but the women know they are nice guys. Should a woman friend ever catch the whiff of some need in her male friend for a romantic or physical relationship an immediate switch to patronizing, amused disdain will become evident. The ensuing discussion will center on how many, many other women out there would jump at the chance for such a wonderful guy. The key word here is neither “many” nor “wonderful”, it’s “other” as in “Not me, Bozo. Back off!” This serves two main functions. First, it serves to help foster optimism in the man and thus populate the world with men susceptible to the many other splendid results we have described. Secondly, it sets the groundwork for all the joys of the future relationships mentioned in #2. (“You’re nice.”)
5. If you are very, very lucky, or have a long list of females to start from, you may, through no actions of your own, actually find a lover. On the up side of this result, you will actually have sex occasionally. Keep in mind that every sexual interaction must be totally fulfilling, even devastating, for your partner. If you fail to meet her needs in any way, you are an insensitive lout. If she fails to meet your needs in any way, you are a demanding, insensitive lout. Your sexual needs will be held up to constant ridicule. You will generally be made to feel like the low-life scum you are. It might seem that the mutual nature of the sexual encounters would mean that the interpersonal books have been balanced. Not the case. At no time should you forget that she is doing you a huge favor by granting you the privilege of access to her body. Entertainment must be supplied. Wining and dining responsibilities remain. One more on the up side, girl talk may become slightly less derogatory. On the down side, you will probably have to meet her family.
6. Once every million or two attempts some guy—generally a complete jerk with an expensive car—actually hooks up with a woman and establishes a mutually beneficial sexual relationship. Research is underway on how these anomalies can be prevented in the future.

So what are the implications? First, let’s look at the Darwinian implications to this process. All mating is be done by men who are willing and able to survive the rigors of the mating dance. In this case, “willing” is the operative word. There is no shortage of sensitive men. They are at home, hiding. (Ladies, who did you expect to find out there playing in this production?) No wonder humanity is populated with aggressive men. Women demand it.

Secondly, let’s face it. Women have no use for intimacy. I know this flies in the face of the wisdom of the day. That’s just a smokescreen. The facts support me here. They want dinner and dancing, a nice home, a car, and/or some one to feel better than. Many will settle for some one to hold in abject emotional servitude. Using physical affection as a means of establishing emotional closeness is male myth. Since we men can be opened up emotionally via intense sexual experiences we mistakenly assume this is a human quality. (Men are truly idiots.) Using sex to keep the poor bastards interested is the reality.

As long as the outcome of a long painful process is likely to be humiliation, frustration, and financial ruin, there will be browsers pointed to http://www.hubba-hubba.com and “alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.look_at_the_size_of_those_things”.

Strip joints will be filled with poor bastards throwing dollar bills at women they have no hope of ever knowing, in return for nothing but unfulfilled dreams and a passing testosterone rush. And why not? They never call you pervert there. (Or, if they do they mean it as a compliment). They all always look their best. They aim to please. Sure it’s all phony, but as we’ve seen, so’s the ‘real’ thing. The wallet thing still applies, but at least the abuse is limited.

Well, gotta go. I need to check those news groups.