Mississippi Law Outlaws Public Nudity

Jackson (NBp) - Last week, some news sources reported on a proposed state law in Mississippi that defined nudity to include "the showing of covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state", thereby allowing sexually aroused men to be arrested for public nudity. News Byproducts has learned that the conservative state legislature has actually been considering even tougher standards.

Proposed state law MS241-00 defines nudity as "the state of being unclothed or appearing to be unclothed in whole or in part, the showing of covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state, the possession of breasts, or the existence of a naked individual underneath the clothing." The law will make nudity in public (defined to mean "not in the bathroom") illegal and punishable by up to $5,000 and a good tar-and-feathering.

"Some people thought that tar-and-feathering would constitute a cruel and unusual punishment," expained State Representative Kyle Conservabrain. "But, that punishment really fits the crime. After all, if we feel that the criminal was nude in public, should we not cover up that nudity? There's nothing like a good layer of tar covered with feathers to restore someone's modesty."

"We had initially only targetted men with the new law, but we decided that that would not punish equally under the law, so we added the other bits at the end," clarified Louise Hassenfeffer. "After all, men aren't the only nude people, right?"

With time running short before elections, the legislature has also been considering extending the definition of illegal trade to include "any exchange of currency, foreign or domestic, for goods" and has considered defining a "term" for elected officials as "the period of time between the election and the time at which the elected official feels that he or she has completed their work to their own satisfaction."